OK, it's 3 AM....do you know where your Grandmother is?

A funny thing happened on the way to the "Great Unknown".....I reached middle age. How the heck did that happen?

I was going along just great with my life. I was gainfully employed, had just moved to a beach area, daughter was gone from home (hopefully for the last time!), and life seemed great! Then it happened....

One Sunday morning in church I realized I had become one of the "crazy old women" of the congregation!

You know the ones I mean. The gray hairs. The ones waiting on the check on the 3rd of the month so they can run down to the drugstore and get the month's worth of prescriptions filled, run to the grocery and stock up and then go to IHOP and eat out their one time a month. The ones that irritate you to death because they are busy bodies, always wanting it "their way" because that's "the way we've always done it". I'm here to tell you I wanted to fall on my knees right then and there and scream "Oh, MY GOD!! WHY ME???"

The middle of church service is not the place to have your first midlife crisis....

And, suddenly, you have become a "Ma'am". Oh, Lord, how I hate that expression! That one puts about 20 years on me in a rush!

And then there is the eyesight thing.....

Do you know why so many 50 somethings have tendinitus? Suddenly, you can't see the computer screen with your glasses on. You can't see the text your typing from with your glasses off. So your elbow gets a greater work out daily than any part of your body! Type 5 words, put your glasses on! Take the glasses off and type 5 more words. Productivity at work goes in the ditch. You try looking over the glasses and get a kink in your neck. You try looking under the glasses and get called snooty! And there is this distance from you that people love to stand in. It's the one where the bifocal meets in your lenses. Nothing comes into focus at this place. At this distance things are blurry, squiggly and you feel like you are in the "House of Mirrors" at the carnival. You lose all sense of balance, your stomach starts to churn and you just know your are going to upchuck all over their sandals if you don't do something quick! So you back up one step. Instantly, the person you are talking to grabs a breath mint, thinking they have really bad halitosis! Better you, buddy, than me admitting I'm "old"!

So, off you go to the doctor for the ache in the neck. There is this punk standing in front of you, calling himself or herself a doctor but looks like he/she is just barely old enough to stay out past twelve without his/her parents permission, telling you it is just your age and these things start to happen at THIS AGE. Does this person have an urge to die????

Oh, yes, midlife. But what am I in the middle of??